Quiet and kind is not a weakness

Coming in for a random blog post but my mind was going this morning.

When I was younger, I was made to believe that my quiet and kind nature made me weak. That I was just a little girl who didn’t understand how the world worked. That cruelty was necessary. That softness had no place in the "real world."

And maybe I didn’t believe all of what they said—but I did start to believe I was weak.

This came up for me again today, and I ended up Googling the phrase “quiet and kind is not a weakness.” The response said:

“This phrase highlights the common misconception that being calm, gentle, or compassionate is a sign of weakness. In reality, it’s often a strength—representing quiet courage, patience, and a willingness to care.”

That hit hard.
I remembered being in my 20s, after I had my child, when someone told me I had gotten "softer."
But it wasn’t a compliment.
It came from someone who taught me to put on armor, who tried to manipulate others by using their kindness against them.
I remember feeling frustrated—because I had hardened myself around that person. I had to.
I didn’t speak up at the time. I wish I had.
But I also know that speaking up would’ve likely made things harder.

Now, years later, I’m seeing this same dynamic on a much bigger scale.

We live in a society that has long celebrated aggression, dominance, and cruelty—especially when it comes from power. This patriarchal mindset tells us that force is strength and that compassion is weakness. And because of that, we’ve arrived at a moment where people are justifying violence, cruelty, and oppression in the name of “toughness.” People are championing actions by the current administration that are inhumane and unjust, all while mocking or dismissing those who lead with empathy.

It’s the same old message: Be louder. Be harder. Be meaner—or be irrelevant.

But I reject that.
Kindness is not passivity.
Gentleness is not weakness.
Softness is not surrender.

It is radical to care in a world that profits off of dehumanization.
It is revolutionary to stay soft when they tell you to harden.

And I am no longer interested in shrinking myself to fit into someone else’s definition of strength.